The Best Laid Plans

The Best Laid Plans by Terry Fallis.

The online blurb (in lieu of the back cover blurb since I don’t have the book to steal from): “Here’s the set up: A burnt-out politcal aide quits just before an election – but is forced to run a hopeless campaign on the way out. He makes a deal with a crusty old Scot, Angus McLintock – an engineering professor who will do anything, anything, to avoid teaching English to engineers – to let his name stand in the election. No need to campaign, certain to lose, and so on. Then a great scandal blows away his opponent, and to their horror, Angus is elected. He decides to see what good an honest M.P. who doesn’t care about being re-elected can do in Parliament. The results are hilarious – and with chess, a hovercraft, and the love of a good woman thrown in, this very funny book has something for everyone.”

Considering The Best Laid Plans won CBC’s Canada Reads this year, I scarcely think it needs my insignificant stamp of approval, but I’m giving it anyway, just in case your alien abduction coincided with the Canada Reads hoopla and you missed all the media coverage. It’s okay; I’m always several months behind the rest of the world too.

Much has been written about how Fallis initially had to self-publish this book because no publishers would take it on, which, believe me, says more about the publishing industry than the quality of his work. The Best Laid Plans went on to win The Stephen Leacock Award for Humour and only then was picked up by a publishing house. Crazy. After all these accolades, however, I doubt he’ll ever have to worry about self-publishing again.

Anyway. The book. It’s funny and smart and well-written and interesting, even though it’s about politics. (Seriously, I almost didn’t read it because I thought, politics? Snore.) The characters are enjoyable and while the plot is somewhat predictable, it’s still a pleasure to watch it unfold.

Highly recommended.

Have you read The Best Laid Plans? What did you think?

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April break

The kids and I zipped over to PEI for a few days last week for the funeral of my Uncle Emmett – RIP – and because I am the meanest of all Mommies, I forced the kids to actually learn something during our trip by dragging them to a couple museums. They were really broken up about it, as you can see:

 Here they are at the Acadian Museum in Miscouche, which was “really good,” as Charlotte proclaimed on our way out. It is good – informative, visually interesting and well laid out. You should go.

We also liked Founders Hall in Charlottetown:

 The statues of the Fathers of Confederation were a particular hit. Founders Hall is the perfect example of how museums can be fun and educational at the same time.

Because I aspire to be an absolute monster, I also dragged them to the beach:

 That’s Foster running toward that bit of ice jutting out, from which he launched more chunks of ice in an attempt to either (a) splash frigid water all over himself or (b) fall into the frigid water completely.  Contrary to my expectations, he did NOT fall in, but ended up so wet he might as well have. As we were leaving, he came to me clutching an armful of ice chunks and said, “I guess I can’t keep these, huh?”

See how smart he is? All this homeschooling is paying off.

This is my co-pilot at Cape Jourimain in New Brunswick:

 To escape the children’s incessant nagging for Tim Hortons donuts, I abandoned the vehicle and was sprinting towards the Confederation Bridge yelling, “Let me back in!” when I realized I had left my MP3 player in the car. Shoot. It was a tough call, but I returned to the car and continued driving home.

And yes, they got their stupid donuts. (But I ate a maple glazed. You know, just to show them who’s boss.)

2 Responses to “April break”

  1. Carolyn

    Our condolences to you and your Dad’s family on the passing of your Uncle Emmett. Although your trip to PEI was mainly to attend his funeral, it looks and sounds like it was very enjoyable for the kids and a good educational experience. Tim Hortons donuts have been on our minds lately but so far we have resisted the temptation. I wonder how long we can hold out.

  2. Lori

    Thank you for your condolences, Carolyn. It’s always hard to say goodbye and I hated seeing my aunt and cousins in pain, but it was also a good lesson for the kids (and me) to make the most of the time we have together and look for ways to find good alongside the bad. It was a sad and happy trip, all rolled into one.

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The Bone Cage

The Bone Cage by Angie Abdou. From the back cover: “Digger, an 85-kilo wrestler, and Sadie, a 26-year-old speed swimmer, stand on the verge of realizing every athlete’s dream–winning a gold medal at the Olympics. Both athletes are nearing the end of their careers, and are forced to confront the question: what happens to athletes when their bodies are too worn to compete? The blossoming relationship between Digger and Sadie is tested in the intense months leading up to the Olympics, which, as both of them are painfully aware, will be the realization or the end of a life’s dream.”

If you aren’t the superstar athlete I am, you might be reluctant to read a sports-themed novel, but fear not, my friends, because The Bone Cage is much more than jock talk. The characters are complex and realistic, the plot is absorbing, the setting is perfectly drawn, and the writing is clean and clear and a pleasure to read.

What elevates The Bone Cage above the level of ‘merely entertaining,’ however, are The Big Questions it raises: After years of pushing everything else (family, friends, education, occupation) aside to train, what does an elite athlete actually have once the athletic career is over? Are all those years of training and sacrifice worth the reward? What if there is no reward? What is it that drives athletes to devote everything to competition? Is this drive to be respected or pitied? Who are any of us without our careers, our talents, our obsessions?

The Bone Cage: Highly recommended.

One response to “The Bone Cage”

  1. Sarah

    Oh – this one is going on the ‘to-read’ list for sure – sounds really interesting!

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Black Hole Falls is as scary as it sounds

When one of Anna’s friends invited us to accompany him and his parents on a trip to a secluded beach yesterday, I said sure. What better way to spend a sunny March afternoon than rock hounding in the fresh air, right? Wrong. As it turns out, there are LOTS of better ways to spend a sunny March afternoon when the route to the beach is actually a mountainous death trap.

Yes, a death trap, I tell you, and nothing – not even the way everyone else was bounding over fallen logs and leaping from wet, mossy rock to wet, mossy rock like a bunch of mountain goats – will convince me otherwise. The problem, you see, is that my knees are not made of bone and cartilage and ligaments like yours, but rather cracked toothpicks and dried gum and bits of half-rotten string. That’s a fact.

Anna’s lovely young friend and his wonderful parents couldn’t possibly know this, of course, but I bet they’ll ask for x-rays and a complete physical before ever inviting anyone on a trip with them in the future. Spending three hours with a red-faced, grunting, wincing, limping mess (that would be me) oughta do it.

The first two minutes were promising enough, but then Anna’s friend suggested we take a short detour to see a waterfall and that’s where it all went downhill. Like literally down a really steep hill. I stood at the top and watched all the others scamper down fearlessly and thought something along the lines of, ‘oh poopy.’ With my first tentative step down, my right knee made a horrible popping noise accompanied by a knifelike pain below my kneecap and I started to sweat because that’s my good knee.

It was a rough trip to the bottom – not because I fell, although I did consider hurling myself down the hill more than once, just to be done with it. My shaken confidence and inability to stand upright for more than two seconds helps explain the quality of my photo of the waterfall:

Water, trees, ice, beauty, yeah whatever – I’m dying.

But I didn’t die, happily or unhappily (it depends on how you feel about me) and after the kids failed to drown in the frigid water below the waterfall – not from lack of trying to fall in through foolhardy behaviour – we crossed that stream raging river you see in the foreground not once but twice. Everyone else had perfect balance, naturally, and the ability to leap from the tip of one icy, jagged rock to the next across the water while I, crippled and embarrassed by my lack of athletic ability, did not.

When we finally made it to the beach, I rejoiced and wondered if it would be possible for me to live there permanently, partly for the lovely scenery and partly because I didn’t know how on earth I would ever make it back out. The Bay of Fundy shore (along this part of Nova Scotia, at least) is rocky. Really rocky:

 Those rocks are a good twelve feet high, I’d say, and we had to cross them to get to the beach beyond.

 That’s everyone else charging on ahead while I tried (and failed) to keep up. At least no one could hear my whimpering back there.

 This is Charlotte climbing out of a cave. “Come in, Mommy, you have to see this,” she yelled. “It’s really neat.” Without a jet pack to propel me up there, I had to regretfully decline.

 See what I mean by rocky? I lived for those flat, pebbly areas.

 The red speck in the centre is Foster coming down the sheer face of a giant rock as if he were hopping from the top of a bunk bed.

 They’re fit, fearless explorers, as you can see. They get that from me.

Ha.

To celebrate making it out alive, we stopped at The Look-Off on the way home for my kind of sightseeing: drive up, park, stand on level ground, take pictures, repeat.

 Here, Foster, Anna and Charlotte commiserate over their failure to have lost me in the woods. Try harder, suckers! (Actually, don’t.)

6 Responses to “Black Hole Falls is as scary as it sounds”

  1. Carolyn

    Don’t feel badly Lori. Even with two good knees, I don’t think I could do that. Of course, I do have quite a few years on you. The place looks amazing though and I’m sure the kids had a great time. I guess you hope they don’t ask you to take them there again.

  2. Lisa

    : )

    I love your blog!!!! Sorry about the beach, we have done it so many times I don’t even think about it any more….if you want you can come with us when the snow is all gone to where the caves are ( its alittle easier…I promise) The kids will love it or if you want we will just take the whole crew!

    Anyways it was nice meeting you and hopefully you have a forgiving heart! : )

    Lisa

  3. Lori

    It was amazing and I’d love to go again, but I’ll have to get titanium knees first. Or I need to get a sea kayak, travel there by water, and meet them on the beach.

  4. Lori

    I hope you know I’m just kidding about the whole “there are LOTS of better things to do” part, Lisa. I had a great time and don’t regret going for a second. (Advil is a wonderful, wonderful thing.) You couldn’t possibly be expected to know I’m a pudgy bag of spare parts, none of which fit together properly. Once the aching stops, I could probably be convinced to go for a “walk to the beach” again. I like the sound of the easier path. Although I notice you say it’s a “little” easier…

  5. the bone cage | short and snappy

    […] you aren’t the superstar athlete I am, you might be reluctant to read a sports-themed novel, but fear not, my friends, because The Bone […]

  6. Susan

    Hysterically true to life. I’ve yet to go, but… soon, and i’m willing to bet my blog will be practically ident ical to yours!!Loved it! It’s, like, some kind of NS Literature Award Winner….Cheers!!

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take a hike

Now that the snow is gone and the earth is beginning to thaw, our wee doggies have no excuse to lay around sleeping all day in preparation for raising hell half the night. No, it’s walkies time again – or, as we call it around here to avoid tipping them off, waltz time. (As in, “Can someone take the dogs for a waltz, please?”) So far they haven’t caught on. There’s a reason dogs aren’t man’s smartest friend.

Here’s Anna preparing to take Glen for a waltz. Note Glen’s look of discomfort as it suddenly dawns on him that this is no ordinary fashion show:

Or maybe he’s unnerved by the seemingly innocent human WEARING A TIGER’S HEAD. Better do what she says.

As Anna prepares the leash, Glen considers what’s in store for him and doesn’t like it one bit. Cue his superb stinkeye:

Ha. Just like his mama.

4 Responses to “take a hike”

  1. Susan

    That is possibly the best stinkeye EVER!!!!

  2. Lori

    It is, isn’t it? I’ve never met a dog as expressive as Glen. You should see his eyebrows furrow and tears come to his eyes when he wants something. What a ham.

  3. Carolyn

    Love those photos! Anna’s gorgeous and what an expression on Glen’s face. He doesn’t look exactly thrilled to be going out.

  4. Lori

    Yes, Anna is gorgeous. I hear it all the time. Everyone says, “Oh my God, she’s so beautiful. She must take after her father, does she?” And that’s when I give my Glen-calibre stinkeye.

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